The Orphan I Am Chronicles – 37

“Why is sex the definition of loving someone?” Don Draper- Madmen Season 6

When I heard this line, this quote from ‘Don Draper’ of Madmen, episode 9 of season 6, my mouth dropped open and I said, “wow”. No one could have thought of a more profound question, one that I am sure will lead to a many discussions around the water cooler, social websites, grocery store lines and where ever else people flock to debate and give their two cents worth.

If someone would have asked me this question when I was eighteen, twenty-one, thirty years old, I am sure my first reaction would have been that sex is indeed the definition of loving someone, but what is my reaction to this now? Now that I am older, often viewing things from the outside, often admiring couples walk hand in hand, often finding myself reflecting on the one ‘I let get away’.

I have been single for about five years now, something I certainly don’t want nor like. I moved from Houston, Texas back to a college town, so I am surrounded by very young and beautiful women, but as beautiful as they are, I have sons their age. Ah sex, something I have enjoyed at times, many times and also something that I admit has complicated my life at times, at many times.

It took a few years to go by for me to recognize sex’s worth and it’s place in one’s life. Whenever it was just ‘sex’ and not ‘making love’ and yes, there is a difference, there was a brief moment of satisfaction each time, followed by a much longer period of emptiness and loneliness. Thinking back to episode nine, while they laid in the bed and Draper poses that question, I watched the body language, the select words spoken, the sound of the sheets being moved amongst sighs and pulls of cigarettes and I ask myself, why doesn’t this mood, this feeling generated by two more prolonged? Call it ‘postplay’ , call it a continuation of something that should be not taken for granted.

Why does it have to end once the act itself becomes a diary or journal entry or even, my blog entry? It is clear that as a person grows older, somewhat wiser that one does realize that although sex is indeed an important part of a relationship, it is that, a mere part of a relationship, much like a puzzle piece being an important part of its puzzle, sex itself is important, but should never be something planned, depended on, something held to the highest of expectations, it should be exactly what it is, a mere part of a relationship, a beautiful intimate part of one’s self, never to be taken lightly or given up so easily.

Where am I going with this? A woman who I was involved with once was watching me play with my sons at the basketball court once. We weren’t in a relationship yet and it was by chance we met and after some time she admitted, “I find it quite sexy to see a man enjoying his children”. When she spoke those words I got it, I understood then that are other things, other more important things that warrant an attraction to each other.

So besides sex, what does one have that is meaningful, that defines the relationship that you are in or the relationship which you would love to be in? Trust, communication, being a good listener, a supporter, a provider, perhaps even just merely acknowledging the little things about her/him, that most would overlook, pass by as if it was not significant. But perhaps not you,  maybe you see it for what it is worth? A thank-you placed at the right moment in her/his ear, maybe even an admission of fault, so that something small does not grow into something you or her/him will regret one day and one day trust me, you will regret.

Ah sex, I miss it so, but I miss making love more so. But call me greedy, because now I want all that comes with it, a want the complete woman from head to toe with all her perfections and imperfections, for it is our imperfections which make us all most beautiful and unique I think, am I wrong? I’ve rambled enough, for now. pEaCe


~ by tonekinchloe on May 31, 2013.

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