The Orphan I Am Chronicles- 25

I’m no longer wearing my heart on my sleeve. This statement/sentence says a lot correct? If you have never felt this way then you may not get it, but most people do. My problem is I’m a hopeless romantic, old school, still trying to believe in relationships when most now days seem to avoid them.

Lately, it seems that I fall for women who are ‘taken’, in a relationship even married. Yea I know, why would i put myself in that position? There is no simply explanation but since this is my blog and I always will be honest with all of you, here goes. In order for me to even open up, there has to be something we have in common. Usually its related to the arts, maybe writing, film, plays, music, museums, well you get it. Sometimes the link is the gym and working out.

I will tell you this with complete honesty, it is never one-sided. Meaning, she also is attracted but her approach is more cautious with the intent of liking me but with the intent of keeping me on the back burner just in case the occasion arises which we may have time to spend together. I used to be that guy, hopelessly waiting on that time but over time and wising up, I try to avoid putting myself in such a situation.

Now I will tell you, I have not crossed that line with a married woman lately but have so in the past. All it takes is a woman to remove the ring and portray herself as single and with me being a guy, I unconsciously ignore the signals that she indeed was married. Other words, the blame goes both ways. Don’t get me wrong, I have made this mistake on rare occasions, usually the women I am attracted to are now more interested in playing the field, which is a turnoff too me.

Lately, actually for quite some time, I’ve openly let my feelings be shown because I am that type of guy. Not the kind that falls in love in an instant but one that is vocal about my inner feelings because the people who surround me, that I allow to be close too me are an important part of my life. But due to some who recently who feel that my feelings are insignificant, I am now distancing them in my personal life.

I will no longer give you the private more intimate details of my feelings I have, you lost that right, that privilege. Your attempts to act like your concerned about my life and the more personal aspects of it are more your desire to keep your foot in the door and have somewhat control over possibilities that do not include you. This is not directed to anyone in the blog universe, this post is because I know there are many like me who feel this way, who may be experiencing something like this right now.

By my doing this, distancing myself from those whom I speak of, it may be possible for that rare jewel my heart has longed for to surface. At least now if she is out there, she has a chance, I have a chance.

pEaCe Tone

~ by tonekinchloe on January 14, 2012.

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