The Orphan I Am Chronicles- 8

When ever one of my friends becomes involved with someone to which they are in a meaningful relationship, my first thought that comes to mind is, ‘good for you’. Then of coarse comes the after thoughts, questions about who is this that has gotten your attention so, that you begin to distance yourself from your friends, unknowingly? Don’t get me wrong, this is not a blog that tries to proved that the relationship your in is wrong, but more designed for you to just look around you, at what your life was just before you met him/her and what it is now.

Confused? I don’t think you are, if you have ever been in a relationship, then you know where I’m going with this. In the early stages, he/she is your world, your every thought is on he/she, you wait on the text, you expect that call, the clock at work crawls by as you anxiously wait for work to end so that you can see him/her. Although you may not realize it, but you expect him/her to be there, available to you at your whelm and if he/she does not feel the same way then you fear that something is wrong, which most of the time, there isn’t anything wrong, just someone needing their own space.

You live apart but spend all your free time with each other, eventually moving in with each other, things begin to change, your friends now are on the back burner, the places you used to go to to unwind, a place to enjoy a beer after work with your friends, perhaps a place that would seem trivial to most but most important to you, you cast it aside. The comfort zone you once had is long gone, your space now entwined with him/her, you begin to question his/her every move that does not include you. Of coarse you love him/her, but there are many shades of love, many stages, sometimes ever changing.

Weeks go by, then months, your friends have now adjusted to their lives without you, their text you ignore or you respond to them much too late. But you still have him/her, despite witnessing that something has changed, you don’t talk as much, now your love making is restricted to the bedroom when you used to enjoy it any and everywhere. You both are trapped in a routine, your mind wanders and what is the first thing you do? You begin to search for fault, a reason to blame while all along ignoring or just not seeing the obvious, you (both) have sacrificed to much of your life far too soon.

He/she in fact is still that same person you fell in love with, but unfortunately you become numb, you become blind and most importantly, you have lost a huge part of who you are, that person who smiled in the mirror, that person who loved the laughs of those who care for you, that person who hurt when those around you whom you cared for hurt. The spur of the moment things that made life more exciting, more breathtaking? Gone but not lost.

Trust is a given until someone violates it. In any healthy relationship, in order for it to even have a chance of success, you must have your friends, him/her must retain friends and the both of you will and should have mutual friends. If he/she wants to keep you on a tight ‘leash’ then your relationship will not last. Yes he/she may not like your choice of friends and vice versa, but one must remember, part of the reason he/she became attracted to you is due in part to your friends influence and role in your life. When you needed someone to just listen, you know that there was someone on the other end who actually would, listen.

We all need our own space, we must have it and we must never give it up, to anyone. We all need to have our own friends, we must have them, along with their own perfections and imperfections, we love them and they deserve our love as we deserve theirs. If you relinquish too much of yourself, then you lose part of yourself, somethings of which may be hard to get back. The beautiful things about true friends, those who truly know you is this, they are only a phone call away. Sure, their may be some friction the first time you want them back into your life, they hurt just like you hurt. But within minutes they will respond in kind, they will because they are part of you….

It is so true, good friends are hard to find, in fact they are rare in today’s world. Yet we lose sight of that on occasion, don’t.   pEaCe tone

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~ by tonekinchloe on July 30, 2011.

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