The Orphan I Am Chronicles- 2

I slept more last night then I have in months, about six hours I think. I’m an insomniac and have been to some capacity my entire life. I hear that most orphans are this way although I have never done any research to support this. I have met or known others that came from similiar backgrounds who speak of the same problem. I’ve gone thru the whole gambit of ways to deal with it, yes even powerful drugs, black market off the street to prescriptive, natural remedies, reading, writing, working out late at night-(which never worked) to hot baths, hot showers, sex, masturbation, cooking the next days meals, watching dvds etc…Well the list goes on and on.

The drugs, wow, I’m glad I made it through that period, never really worked, well maybe at first, but the way the body is designed and how quickly one builds a tolerance to something, it was good I had a good friend who came along at the right time and stayed with me about four rough days. That was some eight years ago and today I have a good enough understanding of the problem that dealing with it is a very minor issue in my life. What really helped was recognizing stress early and learning how to cope with it in a timely fashion. Also being a man, we tend to hold certain things in, especially when it comes to true feelings, such as love.

So I am much more open about that and will without hesitation, tell someone not so much that ‘I love you’, but more along the lines as to how important they are in my life or something simple like, ‘you’re a good friend’. It wasn’t a counselor who gave me any great advice but a memory from long ago that stayed with me and resurfaced at just the right time. While living at the Deplechin Faith Home, the orphanage I was raised at until I turned 18, I met a boy, about the age as myself, Tommy Olmos I believe. But he was an older brother of a little brother and sister who was there briefly. But a little something he did that stuck with me was that he always told his sister and brother he loved them, right out in public and did so while giving them a warm embrace, a nice hug. But not only did he do this but he also was quite open about his feelings in general, which led some assholes to tease him but Tommy took it with a smile.

Maybe this had a lot to do with why their stay there at Deplechin was short? Anyway, as you can tell, I do tend to ramble on and taking the long route to get to the point, if there is even a point. lol Last night as I watched a dvd in my bedroom and wrote off and on, I received a phone call from someone I was very close to and who is very dear too me. She called right about the time I wrote a line or two about her in my journal. Yes, it happened just like that and this isn’t the first time. She is about 7 hours ahead of me in another time zone, Spain. We talked for a short while and after getting off the phone, my mind was so at ease that I drifted off to sleep.

So in her own unique way, perhaps me just that she at the same moment I was thinking of her she was thinking of me, put my mind in a state which made it easier to relax then of coarse well hopefully some sleep will follow, which it did. At this time I won’t go into who exactly she is and the nature of our close friendship but will leave you all with this. I am a very intuitive person, born with a veil over my face. In some cultures this means being born with a strong intuition as well as certain other special gifts. I have always been this way and speak about it seldom. Being born an identical twin, my brother was not born this way but I was. I end my blog with this because like myself being an orphan and the many things I can relate to that, my strong intuitions also are an ongoing influence on my life.

As I wrote a line about someone who I  once encouraged to pursue her own dreams, someone who owns a piece of my heart, within seconds she calls me. Now tell me if I’m wrong, but she as well has a definite link to me although it be somehow mysterious, doesn’t she?

take care all and pEaCe tone

~ by tonekinchloe on July 3, 2011.

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